With our domination by robotic overlords quickly approaching, "Hail! Robot Overlords" is my regular, meager attempt to extend an olive branch. Only in the adoration of our technology will we teach it to be merciful.

Yea fine hipsters, insult the iPad all you want. Apple even went for broke and called Stephen Colbert on the red telephone in the corner office. That's the hipster-marketing nuclear option! At this point we're all supposed to be sitting in a puddle of our own piss, wishing we had the gonads to pinch to zoom as well as Jobso.

It brings us one step closer to Star Trek, and frankly, that's enough for me goddammit. Because once the iPad has ascended to the throne of tech majesty and you're all living in the flash-ridden dark ages, hell's fury you hath feel, my friend. I'm 90% sure I'm completely screwing up the ole' english, but you get the fucking point.   

Did you see him swiping throw photos? DID YOU SEE HIM?! Imagine how many skinny tech-hipster wenches will orgasm instantly upon seeing it on your coffee table next to the Camel Lites. Tell me you're not suddenly in line to pre-order. They're at the intersection of technology and liberal arts, right next to the Urban Outfitters. 

First impressions can be deceiving (and racist):

Apple iPhone - Mitchell Ashley for NetworkWorld - Jan 2008

"The iPhone is certain to fade into history as another cool Apple innovation, that others soon rushed competitive, like-products to market, blowing away any significant lead Apple might have. Too many major players are in the mobile phone market, who have and will bring iPhone-like products to market over the coming months and years. LG has already done so with the LG Voyager phone, and now Microsoft's plans for Windows Mobile 7 OS have been leaked..."

Nintendo Wii - Shigeru Miyamoto on 1Up.com - Sept 2005 

"Of course, Nintendo has no intention of leaving their traditional audience behind, and Mr. Miyamoto is quick to add that the controller is already well suited for a number of popular genres. "[We aimed for something] that is simple enough for everyone," he says, "but also something that people who've been playing games for years will be satisfied with."

Barrack Obama - Clutch Magazine - Nov 2009

"So like any black man, he showed up late. When he entered onto the stage, there was a calm about this character that would not fully become known for over a year. He leaned into the mike, and said, “Sorry that I’m late, but you said that I wasn’t black enough. So I figured I’d show you.”

Post-World War II Politics - The Boston Globe - Jan 2010

"DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN."

Our Nation's Economy - Jim Cramer - Mar 2009

"NO, NO, NO. Bear Stearns is fine...Don't move your money from Bear, that's just being silly. Don't be silly."

//Fuck this, I'm getting a JooJoo.